So after a long hiatus I decided it’s time to write another blog post about dating.
I was out of the dating scene for a LONG time and in the last couple of months decided to get back on the horse... (pun intended)
Having recently experienced many dates from a mixture of apps and some set ups, I’ve come to my interim conclusion that modern dating is a complete shit show. But on the plus side, I’ve learnt some new terminology I can add to my 21st century dating dictionary.
This happens when you’ve gone on 1 or 2 dates with someone, you enjoy yourself and you have stuff to talk about. It’s pleasant, there’s genuinely nothing wrong with the other person but there’s no real physical attraction there and you’re just not feeling it so naturally you let it fizzle ie. die a slow death.
Urban dictionary defines the ‘fizzle’:To slowly end a relationship through gradual excommunication. - pretty accurate.
With app dating it’s pretty common because you don’t really have much of a foundation or common ground apart from those couple of hours you’ve spent together so the time investment is pretty minimal and there’s no real obligation to see them again. I’m still never sure whether you’re supposed to be upfront about how you don’t really feel it or if the fizzle is the best way to handle it as I never really want to be that person who ghosts people. Often I’ve noticed it’s the really nice guys, the gents who would treat us well, the ones who get endearingly nervous around us we get put off by. Why? Genuinely have no idea- still trying to figure that out.
This usually happens when you’re actually pretty into the guy but they just giving you mixed signals, you have an inkling that they’re a bit of a dick but you keep chasing after them anyway. It’s when you’re not really sure where you stand because they sometimes seem to be interested but then give you signs which suggest the contrary. Breadcrumbing occurs when people give you some attention here and there, enough to keep you curious or thinking about them but they’re honestly not that into you. Comes in the form of intermittent messages, Instagram likes, watching your instastories and occasionally sliding into your DMs.
As my wise friend CB said, “you don’t want the crumbs, you want the loaf!”
I believe that this has some cross over with breadcrumbing. It’s where you’re keeping the ‘metaphorical seat warm for another girl to come along that they like better’. You’re basically an understudy preparing to go on stage before the star of the show turns up. I’ve definitely been on the bench a few times and it feels like shit and is kind of confusing actually - it wasn’t great for the self esteem. When I realise this is happening to me I with some heavy encouragement from my friends decide to leave the bench and move on to a pitch where I can be the star player. I think some people just want to have you as the option to sub on when the other players are busy. I think one of the problems with dating in a big city is that there’s just so much choice so the turnover of players is really quick which is why people feel they can do this.
I feel like the dating game is constantly changing and is pretty tiring so I’m off for a long break again, pretty interested to see what’s new when I return. Back to the status quo of early nights with my cat.