It’s that dreaded question. The question that you want to ask but are too scared to. The question that plays on your lips, having gone on several dates over a couple of months but there’s been absolutely no formalization of whatever ‘arrangement’ you have. You’re in what I like to call the ‘Grey Zone’ or the ‘Twilight Zone’ where you have absolutely no clue what the hell is happening.
People often tell me that the first 3 months of dating are the best… I’m like seriously? Because I just want to skip the part which is full of uncertainty to get to that point where you feel safe, where you can make future plans together without fear that you’re not going to be ghosted or benched in the next few weeks.
The first 3 months for me and a lot of people I’ve spoken to, are filled with overthinking and over analyzing. But maybe that’s because we’ve simply just been with the wrong people. The anxiousness over whether you should send that text, ask them out, whether you need to wait five minutes to reply so as to not seem to keen but you are actually keen just seems ridiculous. The worry as to whether they’re seeing other people and whether you should see other people too just because they are. There’s this almost impossible situation where you have to be chilled, laidback but also keen and demonstrate interest without seeming too emotionally invested all at the same time.
The easiest thing to cut through all the crap would be to ask a simple question like: “do you see this going anywhere in a couple of months?”. I mean it is so simple right?
But in practice the thought of even opening up such a conversation fills most people with dread. I think its a mixture of fear of rejection and fear of losing something that was mostly going well. Objectively, it’s not asking for a lot at all, but just an acknowledgement of some form of certainty and security, an acknowledgement that you can invest time and energy into that person. I’ve come to realize that for the right person it won’t be ‘too much’ or ‘too intense’. I’ve found if a person actually likes you, it’ll take A LOT to scare them off and a simple question like that will not be enough to scare them off.
At the end of the day, whether you do end up asking the question or not, if its not meant to be its not meant to be and you’re going to be okay no matter what happens. You are absolutely worthy of loving and caring for yourself. In short, just know you’re going to be just fine and everything will work out eventually.
The people that were meant for you will never miss you and those opportunities and people that pass you by were never meant for you.